A Moment of Clarity
by meganekko-bomb
Summary: There are thousands of moments. Life is just a series of consecutive moments, partnered with emotions. RoyEd Hurt comfort oneshot.


**A Moment of Clarity**

My first Fullmetal Alchemist oneshot. Standard of cookies and pie for reviewers.

This takes place before the movie, after Episode 39, when Edward finds out that the strife in Lior was created because of him. Just go with it if it seems wonky.

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There are thousands of moments. Life is just a series of consecutive moments, partnered with emotions.

Love, hate, happiness, grief, relaxation, pain, guilt; laughter, anger, misery, tears that follow all.

Edward lay thinking of this, caught between the moments of life and death, as he slumped on the floor against a wall in his kitchen. Blood poured out of his only flesh arm, pooling on the linoleum around him, forever altering the pale blue surface with an inerasable mark.

_Just like that day on my memories._

A bloodstain on his memories, truly poetic. If only he had the energy to write it down. He watched the crimson liquid spill form his wounds, reflecting how much quicker this would be if he had two wrists to slit. Funny the things you think of between moments.

Ed smiled, closing his eyes, the last moment, his bloodied hand curling in relaxation, pain numbed.

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Edward awoke to the sound of rain pounding on the glass panes of his two windows, feeling sluggish and weak. He lifted his head slightly, some resistance offered by the blood sticking to his face and the floor.

'So, I'm not dead.' he thought, placing his automail hand in the dried puddle of blood and pushing himself into a sitting position.

He stared at the cuts he had inflicted on his arm, admiring the intricate designs of transmutation runes drawn into his flesh.

'This is stupid. Totally surpassing any rational thought. So why am I doing it?'

The teen tore his eyes away from his arm, looking to the bathroom door, where a dim light shone through, casting multi-faceted light onto the textured linoleum.

He stood, using the wall for support, pain searing through his arm as he inched towards the bathroom. The blonde pushed the door open, trudging inside, shaking his head to get rid of the ringing in his ears.

As was the usual custom, he grabbed a washcloth, and ran it under cold water, bringing the stained fabric over his semi-healed wounds. He winced slightly as he washed his wrist, the cut deeper than usual. Diligently, he continued to clean off his arm, by now a daily ritual now that Alphonse had left him to stay in Risembool and study the alchemy that Hohenheim looked at at the Rockbell's. Edward had remained behind, his military duties overriding his desire to accompany his brother. Without Alphonse's continued support and optimism, Edward had sunk deep into a murky depression, not speaking to anyone.

He was mildly aware of his stomachs protests to not being fed for nearly three and a half days, as he hadn't felt the need to cook or go to the cafeteria and risk meeting someone who would want to talk to him.

The teen wasn't sure what was bothering him so much lately, but he was avoiding Roy Mustang with every fiber of his being. The Flame Colonel was much to nosy for his own good, and was incessantly asking_ questions._

_-What are you doing, Fullmetal? Where are you going, Fullmetal? Are you done working? What do you do with your time? Why are you scowling?-_

Edward found himself with the aforementioned scowl on his face, half-tempted to take up his blade again, but deciding against it, concluding he should make an appearance somewhere. So no one would come looking for him.

He grabbed his black jacket form the bathroom counter, pulling it gently over his left arm, and roughly over his right.

He retrieved a bucket from under the sink, filling it with cold water and bleach, heading out to the kitchen area to clean the blood from the floor and counter. He scrubbed the pale blue floor, watching as the dried blood wiped away with ease, due to the strength of his automail. If only his memories were as easy to clear away.

It only took about five minutes to completely clean up, Ed looked over the floor, searching for any more blood before dumping the pinkish water down the kitchen sink. He rinsed his hands, wiping them on a nearby towel, and grabbed his red overcoat, pulling it over his black one, and fished his gloves out of his pocket. He opened the door, sliding his glove over his shaking hand, still shaking from the blood loss.

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"Mr. Elric, sir!"

Edward turned, surveying a soldier ho came running down the hall.

"Colonel Mustang would like to see you in his office, sir."

Edward nodded silently, continuing his way forward down the hallway.

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Roy looked up as his door opened, placing a long, tiresome memo back on the messy surface of his desk.

A fairly short, blonde person walked in, bringing with him a cloud of gloom that seemed to peel the wallpaper. Edward shook his hair in front of his eyes, his hands clasped together behind his back.

Roy looked the boy up and down, once again starting up those questions he asked so often, "Where have you been for the past three days, Fullmetal?"

Edward said nothing, staring at his feet.

"Did you get lost in your tall stacks of paperwork?"

Again, Edward remained silent.

Roy wrinkled his nose, catching the smell of bleach wafting over from where the teen stood, "Have you been cleaning something? Isn't that the janitor's job?"

"Stop." Edward said finally, still shaking tremulously.

"Stop what?"

"Stop asking me questions. Always with the questions. You don't need to know every little detail of what I do."The teen spoke with pure venom, ice placed into every syllable, something Roy had never heard in his voice, even when he was angry.

"Fullmetal..."

"What did you want?" demanded Edward, maintaining his staring match with his boots.

"All I wanted to know is where you were for the past three days."

"I was in my room. That's all."

Edward stepped backward, making to turn and leave Mustang's office, but stumbled, his little energy overexerted. He swayed on the spot, placing his steel hand on the edge of the black sofa that equipped Roy's office. The colonel watched him, curiously calculating what the boy's problem was.

"Edward." Roy stood up, walking around his desk and behind his subordinate. "Tell me what's wrong. And note that that was not a question, it was an order."

"Nothing's wrong. Leave me alone." Edward moved away hastily, making to run for the door. Roy grabbed hi left arm, barely catching his wrist. The teen yelled out, trying to wrench his arm out of the Colonel's grip.

"No. Tell me what's wrong."

"Let me go!" Edward cried, almost falling to the floor. "Please!! Let go!!"

The older man grasped the younger's wrist more firmly, squeezing to ensure he didn't break free. A warm wetness spread over Roy's tense fingers causing him to recoil and release the blonde. Crying softly, the teen fell to his knees, shaking sporadically as his body tried desperately to keep him conscious.

Roy stared at his glove, barely believing the red stain that covered a majority of the pristine white, obscuring some of the Flame transmutation circle.

Determinedly, Edward started crawling toward the mahogany door of the office, fully intent on escaping Mustang's presence.

Roy moved beside the teen, gently touching Fullmetal on the shoulder.

"Edward. Stop, please. Tell me what happened."

The blonde halted his journey to the door, slumping on the floor in a haphazard horizontal position.

"I did it. I- I cut myself." Tears sprang into the youth's eyes, falling down on to the carpet. As they gathered in his eyes, they contrasted like pure silver against the now-dulled golden of his irises, Roy registered, moving his hand to brush them off Edward' cheek. The blonde made no move to resist, probably because he simply didn't have the energy.

"Why?"

"It was the only way to... to shut them up." Edward turned his head, facing into the carpet, low moans accompanying his tremors.

Roy bent down, picking the boy off the floor, a nauseating feeling brewing deep within his chest at how limp and pale Edward was. Usually the teen was bursting with healthy energy, but now he looked drained enough to be on his deathbed.

The Colonel placed Edward softly down on the sofa, releasing the clasp on the front of his jacket. And pulling it open. Slowly and carefully Roy drew the cloth away from the teen's arm, shock piercing through him as he revealed the evidence of Edward's self-inflicted assault. Deep cuts half-healed, oozed blood out slowly but surely, streaking the ivory skin with crimson. The design was intricate, a transmutation circle etched directly in the boy's flesh. It had a macabre beauty about it, much like the the boy's trembling form.

Edward glanced at the Colonel, meeting his midnight blue eyes. Roy shook his head, surveying the boy's frail body. "You shouldn't... you shouldn't have to feel this. It's not fair. You're too young. You don't shouldn't even even be able to fathom what true grief feels like. It's not fair."

He took in every detail of Edward's appearance at this point, unable to look away. His usually voluminous golden hair was stringy and dull, pulled carelessly into a messy ponytail. Again, diverging vividly from his usual look, Edward's face was sallow and pale, with dark circles under his eyes, and a definite shrunkenness to his youthful cheeks was all too apparent. His wifebeater style shirt hung differently over his frame, clinging to his emaciated torso.

"Have you left your room at all? Eaten?" Roy questioned, finding inquiries absolutely necessary.

"Neither for three days." replied Edward in a feeble, tired voice.

"You need to stop this Edward. Just talk about what's bothering you. I'll listen, I'm... I''m here for you." Roy placed his hand over Edward's real one, rubbing through the gloves with his thumb.

"Lior." Edward mumbled, "It's all my fault. All of those people died because of me. You said so yourself. I took their lives. I shouldn't be allowed to be happy, because they will never be again. I should feel the same amount of pain all those families must feel... because it's all my fault."

Edward's voice fell to a whisper at the end of his explanation, his strength exhausted. His eyelids drooped, threatening to close, he blinked a few times, before sighing deeply and attempting to sit up.

"No, lay back. I'm going to go and get the first aid kit. Just wait here."

Roy hurried over to his closet, extracting a battered first aid box with some difficulty. He returned to the sofa, unrolling a long roll of gauze, tentatively placing the thick white covering over Edward's forearm. Edward remained oddly still breathing shallowly through his slightly open mouth. Roy taped the dressing he was wrapping down, once again feeling the nausea form Edward's pitiable state.

"No, I don't want it. I didn't want this. I- I..."

The older man stared as the teen started breathing heavily, deep gasps of terror illustrating his loosely stringed sentences. His eyes were wide, staring directly at something invisible, tears falling freely down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry! Al please come back! Come back!! I'm sorry!!" Edward broke down into loud sobs, tears flowing even faster.

"I'll give anything for you to forgive me..." he looked away, casting his amber eyes toward the floor, "I'll die to know you forgive me, Al please."

"Edward." Roy gingerly placed his gloved hand on Edward's shoulder, wondering what on earth he could do.

"Please forgive me... Roy." the blonde looked up, his burning irises seeming to pierce through the Colonel's very being. He felt as if a gaping hole within his chest was being hollowed out by the same unseen forces mentally torturing his companion in the office.

"Forgive you or what?" Roy asked quietly, ignoring the heartache.

"I've tried so hard to live up to what you want. To be what you want me to be. I've really tried, I've done all I can to be strong, to not cry, all the things that I thought you wanted. But I'm not. I'm sorry... I- I'm a failure. I let those people die, I'm too weak to move on, I just wallow in my guilt, talking to ghosts."

"Edward..." Roy began, hardly believing the gentle care his voice held, "There's nothing o forgive. I only ever want you to be yourself, to be happy."

"You're lying. " sniffed Edward, shuffling back with his feet.

Roy clamped his hand on the aurum haired alchemist's shoulder, turning him to meet his gaze once more."No, I'm not lying. I love you, Edward. I want you to be happy."

The older man pulled the blonde into a tender warm embrace, feeling his pounding heartache as he did so. Edward's brilliant eyes widened in shock his brain desperately searching for a reason for why Roy was now hugging him.

The Colonel pulled away, staring his subordinate down. The younger of the two looked down, folding his hands in his lap, and blinking as if Roy had just shouted at him. He spoke, in a tiny, timid voice.

"But I don't deserve to be happy-"

"Yes you do. You're as deserving as anyone. You believe in equivalent exchange, right? I think you are entitled to some happiness with all the grief and suffering you've gone through." Roy ran his fingers through the blonde's tousled hair, "And I could be your happiness , Edward.

Tears began pouring down Edward's face again, splashing down onto his bandaged arm.

"Hey, no more tears." the Colonel said, in the same shockingly gentle voice.

"They're not sad tears..." choked Edward, hiccuping back cries.

Roy held out his arms, inviting the teen into his embrace again. Ed fell forward, the Colonel catching him smoothly. Roy shifted on the sofa, still holding Edward in his arms, the latter moaning with semi-suppressed tears.

The Colonel lay on the thankfully wide sofa, gingerly holding the fragile boy to himself, stretching out horizontally on the black sofa.

Edward hiccoughed, sounding as if he was attempting to cease sobbing. Roy hugged Edward's petite form even closer to himself, guarding the boy within the stronghold of his muscular arms, blocking out any malevolent intruders that might hurt him.

Gradually the blonde's tremors slowed, his broken choppy breathing evening out, as the conflicting worry and stress within the colonel's chest subsided at last.

Gently, Roy pulled the tangled hair elastic from Edwards auric hair, running his bare fingers through the knots; his gloves fell off his lap, landing beside the coffee table. He was mildly aware the teen's tears soaking through the durable fabric of his military uniform, marvelling at how the tiny person could hold so many.

After a few minutes of stroking Edward's long hair, Roy looked to his face, brushing a few strands out of his visage.

"So beautiful..." Roy murmured, gazing transfixedly at Edward's youthful face. He felt drowsiness pull on himself as well, dreams pushing his eyelids down. Before succumbing entirely to the forceful indolence, Roy retrieved his black overcoat from the table, draping it over Fullmetal, covering up his wounded arm

It was here, in his drab office in Central, Colonel Roy Mustang experienced one of the most blissful moments of his life. A moment of serene silence, nothing said but emotions clearly displayed as one alchemist slept peacefully at last in the arms of another. Clarity.

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Review or I'll threaten you with harm. Also if you review, I will give you pie and cookies.

Love and kisses,

meganekko


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